When we got married we decided not to have kids. I had a son
from a previous relationship, and he was enough for us. We were a happy family
of three, Justin was 6 when we got married, and at such an easy manageable age.
We felt a baby would just be a nuisance. We were married just under 10 years
when we felt a tug on our heart’s to have a baby. In 2008 Lily picked us to be
her family, and convinced us. In October I just knew it would be a girl, and
the name Lily just fell out of heaven into our hearts. I bought a little pink
and green dress for our Lily before she was even conceived and hanged it on the
fridge door.
I went of contraceptive in October, and conceived beginning
of December. We found out we were pregnant 23 December.
I went for four 3D scans during the course of my pregnancy.
I did not see a Gynecologist ever. Obviously I took good
care of myself, by getting good rest and some exercise. I took all the
necessary vitamin supplements necessary from a food state source.
I did however get some morning sickness up to about 16
weeks, which was really horrible!!
During my pregnancy I decided to have an Unassisted Birth
(more info
www.unassistedchildbirth.com
), which means there is no medical professional present during
the birth, just me and hubby. I then also decided to have a water birth using a
Birthing bath as part of the labor process.
I was ridiculed by most people about the choice of having an
unassisted birth and had to fight my way through very mean and hurtful
comments. I had very little support, but the handful of people that did support
my choice was awesome. I thank God for sending them across my lonely walk, having
chosen this “dark” birthing method.
After a smooth pregnancy I calculated my due date to be 31
August 2009. This was very close to accurate as I knew I ovulated 7 December
2008. I did not think I would even go that far. As I’m older and had a child
before, it was likely for me to maybe go into labor from 38 weeks or so. I
hoped for that every day from 38 weeks. But 38 weeks came and went, same with
39 weeks. When 31 August was upon us, I thought cool, maybe she will come 1
September, which would be a awesome date as her name was Lily, and 1 September
being Spring day in South
Africa. But that didn’t happen either. I was
quite disappointed. When we passed 41
weeks I was shocked with unbelief. We got to my birthday 7 September and I
hoped she wouldn’t have to share her mom’s birthday !! One thing that went
according to my hopes – she did not come 7 Sep. Then I got real exited about
her maybe being born 09-09-09. I never thought I would still be pregnant by
then, so at first I didn’t even dream of getting to such a cool date. The day
before the 9th I had pineapple, nipple stimulation, sex, spicy curry
food and very long walks, all to try and naturally induce labor. Same thing on
the 9th, but Lily just did not like that date either. She did drop
down during that night, but that’s all. She
was going to choose her own birthday and that was it !! I baked her birthday
cake the 7th, which was the 3rd one. The other two cakes
I had to through away as they got too old. I decided I was not baking another
one, and we would just use this one for photos when we sang Happy Birthday to
her when she was born.
The morning of the 10th I was so disappointed and
cried as this pregnancy just kept going on and on and on …
And then once again the remarks people made, didn’t help. I
did not want to get any medical advice. I just wanted to trust my body, and
allow nature to take its course. I knew I was the impatient one, and everything
was fine, I just had to wait. I was just so sick and tiered of waiting to meet
my precious little Lily. I desperately wanted to hold her in my arms. I wasn’t
that uncomfortable as I was emotionally drained. It was my own fault for having
set expectations. If I hadn’t had my heart set on certain dates and time frames
I wouldn’t have been so disappointed. Next time I will have an attitude of not
expecting anything. Well, the morning of the 10th I went for some
retail therapy at the mall. I noticed I bit of a discharge which could have
been part of my cervix plug being released, but wasn’t sure. After about 2
hours of walking around, I got severe stretching sensations in my groins and
went home, as it made me a bit nervous. During
the afternoon I had some lower back pain. But in general I felt OK, and no real
signs of labor.
Her coming so “late” was a real challenge for me to stand
strong in my beliefs. Putting all my faith in God and the way He created our
bodies to work was difficult. It was as if I was dared by fear to give in, and
just run to the worldly way of doing things. And there is nothing wrong with
putting your trust in modern medicine, it’s just that I chose not to, and now I
was being put to the test. I read this in a book earlier in pregnancy, which
really motivated me …
By day 12 past my due date, nothing further had progressed.
I must say, it started to get to me. Emotionally it was really difficult. The
waiting was really horrible. It’s not that I was ever worried or concerned or
anything like that. I knew at the right time, Lily would be born normal with no
complications. I trusted my body to do the job. I think the problem is with
modern science and the fact that a due date expectation is given. If I had no
expectation I would never have been so frustrated that the date wasn’t met with
a baby. And to make matters worse for me I hoped she would come a bit earlier
as it was my second pregnancy and my age (35) being a bit older than normal,
and she is a girl. So I hoped for 38 weeks … which put me in this waiting mode
for the last 4 weeks !!! I had to keep on telling myself that I’m not doing anything wrong, it’s just
nature taking it’s course.
As each day passed I just hoped she wouldn’t grow to be a
5kg baby and never be able to come out, or rip me to pieces in the process !!!
I just kept telling myself nature knows best, and she needs
to still be inside me, for what ever reason ! I tried everything to try and
naturally induce labor again, but with no luck. This little girl just wasn’t
going to come until she was ready. OK fine, so I waited !!
Day 15 past my due date, being 42 weeks and one day, it
started – yippy !! And this is how it happened.
September 15, 03:00 I woke up and just somehow realized
there is BIG WATERS on it’s way to pass through me – I knew one wrong move now,
and our bed will be flooded. So instead of getting up as you would normally get
up out of bed, I rolled over my tummy but supported my weight with my elbows.
As my feet hit the floor the water started flowing, and with knees squeezing
together I walked to the toilet as a duck !! When I sat down, a gush of water
game out, but it didn’t stop, it just trickled down. I put a towel between my
legs and went back to bed. I told JP my water broke, and he just wanted to know
if I want him to do something or if he could sleep further. I said, we should
try to get a bit more sleep !! But by 05:00 I was too exited and decided to get
up. We went to the beach to see the sun rise, and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate
– it was awesome !! We also wrote in Lily’s journal. It was a slightly cloudy
day.
We got home about 07:00. I sorted out some stuff, and got everything
ready, and tidied the house a bit. Got out the scissor, umbilical clamps,
cotton wool and towels. My contractions were noticeable but no problem, and I
was still dripping water, I went through many pads !!!
I took a bath, and got dressed, and ate a small breakfast.
We then went to the shops in Port Shepstone about 10 min
from home to buy some food. We also went to the DVD shop and rented 2 DVD’s
incase the labor took long to get going and to keep my mind of things. We got
home about 12H00, and I made lunch. My contractions were still very bearable,
and I could carry on with everything as normal. We were just faffing around,
and getting everything ready to fill the bath. We took it real easy and were
very relaxed at home, just doing it our way. 13H00 we filled the bath, and I
got in just for fun for 20 min, it was so relaxing, but I could feel how the
contractions came to a halt and knew it would slow everything down if I stayed
in, so I got out.
We started watching “He’s just not into you” at around
14H30. The pain got more noticeable, and I had to concentrate getting through
each contraction. I was standing on my knees watching the movies, swaying my
hips side to side. Any other position was much more painful. While Abi (my dog) was wondering what was
going on.
I monitored my contractions on an internet site (http://www.contractionmaster.com),
that keeps log of how long they are and how far apart. I noticed that the
contractions were getting closer together and lasting longer. 15H50 - Three quarter
through the movie I got back in the water as the pain got more intense, and
more difficult to handle. It was wonderful, and the pain is just so easy to
bare while in the hot water. But once again the contractions slowed down, and I
got out again. 16H20 I went back to the living room and watched the rest of the
movie standing this time, and JP massaging my lower back through each
contraction. I barley made it through the movie, and at 17H00 got back in the
bath.
We lit the candles and switched off the lights and put on
the compellation of music we made for the birth before the time of all our
favorite songs. This time the
contractions did not get any easier and I realized I was now in active labor
and probably dilated further than 6cm. I clearly experienced a drowsy state
coming over me. (Endorphins are calming and
pain-relieving hormones that people produce in response to stress and pain. The
level of this natural morphine-like substance may rise toward the end of
pregnancy, and then rises steadily and steeply during unmedicated labors. (Most
studies have found a sharp drop in endorphin levels with use of epidural or
opioid pain medication.) High endorphin levels during labor and birth can
produce an altered state of consciousness that helps women flow with the
process, even when it is long and arduous. Despite the hard work of labor and
birth, a woman with high endorphin levels can feel alert, attentive, and even
euphoric as she begins to get to know and care for her baby after birth.
Endorphins may play a role in strengthening the mother-infant relationship at
this time.) It truly feels like a drug was given to me. I felt
drunk. Nature’s pain reliever – endorphins. I read about this, but was
surprised when it really happened. There was no turning back, and very little
will stop the labor process now. From 17H00 to 20H00 it was just one
contraction after the other, each one getting a little more intense. From about
19H00 I started vocalizing my pain with deep grunts and moans. JP kept
reminding me to keep the sounds low, as high pitched sounds provoke hysteria.
He also reminded me all the time to relax my face and jaw muscles and not to
frown, as this forced the body to relax. I concentrated on not letting fear get
to me, as when you get scared you release adrenalin, which is bad for the whole
birthing process.
(Adrenaline is the
"fight or flight" hormone that humans produce to help ensure
survival. Women who feel threatened during labor (for example by fear or severe
pain) may produce high levels of adrenaline. Adrenaline can slow labor or stop
it altogether. Earlier in human history, this disruption helped birthing women
move to a place of greater safety.)
During each contraction he poured warm water over my back
and applied pressure. Most of my pain was in my lower back. JP kept telling me
I was doing so well and he was very proud of me. He also prayed a lot … shame, I
think he was a bit bewildered !!!
I just kept telling myself my body was designed to have a
baby, and that I could do it. I focused on the fact that my body grew a
perfectly formed baby from a single cell without my help, and could deliver her
as well without my help. I just allowed the contractions to flow through me and
realized each one was bringing me closer to meeting my precious baby. I tried
to relax as much as I could, but the pain was very severe and I had to really
focus on not losing it.
Just after 20H00
everything suddenly changed. The drowsy, and “in a trance” feeling stopped at
once and a chemical cocktail was released, making me feel wide awake and very
alert. All my senses was enhanced and I could feel the adrenalin rush flow through
me, which is normal at this stage of labor. It is administered by the brain as
energy for the delivery and it is also transferred to the baby via the placenta
as energy to be born and breathe after birth.
I just knew this was it, and she
was coming very soon. I stood on my knees. It pain was different than before,
almost more bearable. With each
contraction I felt more pressure in the birthing canal and knew the head was
coming. I did not have a huge desire to push, and could feel my body was doing
the work. I got a bit impatient and started pushing a little bit. I just really
wanted it to be over now. Then I felt
the head coming. This was the most amazing part to me. I was so excited and
exhilarated. I felt the “ring of fire” I read so much about. It really does
burn like hell when the head comes through. I felt a sudden stretch in my
perineal tissues, and felt a little tear. (It is now 3 weeks later and it
healed perfectly on its own). The head came out and I couldn’t help myself
stroking her little head. She was still under water. I think about a minute
later the body came sliding through, and I brought her to the surface. JP says
it looked like a torpedo, as it happened so fast. She was born 20H30. She
weighed 3.4 kg. When she was above the water the umbilical cord was around her
neck, and I unwrapped it. She was white and covered in vernix. I brought her to
my chest and hugged her. She wasn’t breathing, which was fine as she still got
her oxygen through the umbilical cord. I messaged her, and kissed her face all
over. I then used a suction Bulb Syringe
to suck out the fluid in her nose and mouth and she began breathing naturally
and very relaxed. She just looked at us with amazement. I put her to the breast
which she suckled a bit. I sat with her in the water for about an hour, and we
kept the water very warm.
I was so happy to have her in
my arms straight after birth, and having the opportunity to bond from the very
first minutes. I read an article on the bonding that takes place in that first
hour between mommy and baby. The chemicals released prevent “baby blues”, which
I can say is true, and promotes general bonding.
JP clamped the cord and then cut it. He took
her and wrapped her. We did not want to bath her, as the vernix is a natural
moisturizer for their very delicate skin. Most of it disappeared into the skin
within a day or so. What was amazing to me was the aroma of the vernix. It
smelled like perfume. I took some from out the wrinkles in her neck, and used
it as lip ice, I have never felt my lips to be so nourished, with a flavor out
of heaven. It’s like favored Vaseline.
I got out the bath, and went to sit on the
toilet, waiting for the placenta to come out. About an hour and a half after
the birth the placenta came out with a light push. We took it out of the toilet
and put it in a bucket. It did have tear in, and it was not in one perfect piece.
But three weeks later, I have had no problems. My bleeding stopped all together
about 10 days after the birth. I had little blood clots also coming out the 1st
ten days, and believe my body was cleansing my uterus naturally. JP buried the
placenta the next day.
I got dressed in my new
pajamas and got into bed, and JP gave me my baby and we tried to breastfeed
again. Lily fell asleep in my arms. I was exhausted but overwhelmed with joy
and so proud of my beautiful little girl. We phoned Justin, my 16 year old son
and my dad with the news, and I sent a sms to all my close friends. JP brought
me a cup of tea and a slice of toast. I then fell asleep with Lily next to me.
Giving birth at home, alone
with only JP was an awesome experience. As a woman I have never done anything
so rewarding and empowering. It is an experience I loved going through on my
own, purely relying on instinct to guide me. Just allowing nature to take its course, and
just going with the flow. The power that flows through you in labor is very
intense, and scary in a sense. It is a primal type power we don’t experience in
this modern day era. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to do it this
way, and experienced it in its purest and most beautiful natural form. I will
carry this experience in my heart forever. It completed me as a woman and
mother. It is something Lily and I did together as a mother daughter team with
no interference, and I am so proud of us.
Lily Lois Viljoen
Born 15 September 2009, 20H30
Weight 3.4kg
